Do you ever feel like giving up because you just don’t know if you can take anymore? I know how you feel. You wrestle with the desire to quit, but your belief in staying committed to your marriage keeps you holding on. The heartache, the tears, the weariness, sometimes feels like more than you can bear. And there are times when you don’t see any hope of things getting better and all you can think of is running away. I get it, I have been there too.
I think if I were going through now what I went through before, one of my favorite songs would probably be, “Say Something (I’m Giving Up On You).” It’s one of those sad songs that captures the kind of heartache I used to feel. With tears blinding my eyes I would have been singing along with lyrics like, “You’re the one that I love and I’m saying goodbye.”
Because back then when I was trying to hold onto my marriage I listened to some sad songs that seemed to put the perfect words to how I was feeling. I never wanted to give up, but there were times when I felt I needed some sign of hope. And somehow through the music it felt like someone else understood how I was feeling.
But then for every song that touched that place in me that wanted to give up, there would be another song that would give me strength to keep holding on. One particular Country song that I believe God used to not only speak to me but also to Janet was “Why We Said Goodbye,” by Tim McGraw.
Listen to the song and then I will follow-up with how it spoke to us.
Four lyrics that spoke the most
“You’re sewn into the fabric, the pieces of my life.”
Hearing these words reminded us both that there was no way to remove how much we were apart of each other’s life. Just like a piece of fabric, you can’t just remove the treads you no longer want and expect the whole fabric to not be affected. Sure we could have broken up and went our separate ways, but there was no way we would ever remove the fact that we had each played a major role in one another’s life.
And I remember how you held me the night my father died
I didn’t have to tell you, I just broke down and cried
I’ve yet to lose either one of my parents, but I know that day is going to come and there is nothing I can do to stop it. But when I think of the sadness that I will feel when that time comes, I can think of nothing I want more than to have my wife there to hold me when I cry. How unbearably lonely I would feel if I had to go through the loss of one of my parents and not have my wife to help me through it.
There must have been a reason, but i can’t remember now
It was such a sobering thought to think that one day we could look back and question why we gave up. Yea we would have remembered the fights and the issues we struggled with. But there was this nagging thought that said what if we look back one day and realize how big of a mistake it was to let go of something that could have been very special.
“I just had to call you, I had to hear your voice. And tell you I still love you we still have a choice.”
The image of one day picking up the phone with that longing desperation of hoping to somehow undo our breakup was a haunting thought to me. And it was something I just wasn’t willing to take a chance on. If we were going to have a choice I wanted it to be before we went through a break up and possibly ended up marring other people, which would have ended our choice.
So if you find yourself tired of holding on I hope you will be encouraged that something special can still come out of your situation. Just like it did in ours. All you need to do is reaffirm those reasons you want your marriage to make it. And keep praying and seeking the Lord and allow Him to give you want you need to make it through this.
I’ve only been married for a year and a half but I’ve been in a relationship with my husband now for 8 years. A month and a half ago, he told me that he wanted a divorce. He told me that our marriage was doomed to fail, listed all sorts of things he didn’t like about me, and then told me that he had a one-night stand when he was away. A month an a half later, we’re under the same roof and going to counseling but he’s still on the fence. Some days will be good and other days, he creates a huge distance between us and continues to tell me that he’s unhappy and that he doesn’t believe we can change and save our marriage. I’ve never clung to God so hard in my life. He’s the only reason I’m even able to function, and that alone is a blessing. I almost give up DAILY, and I break down into tears while praying because the pain is so unbearable, and this is so incredibly hard. Some days I actually do give up for a few minutes and then I grab onto that one tiny ounce of hope that Jesus will restore this marriage because I still love my husband. I was listening to the radio and EVERY pop song either reminded me of his one-night stand or my misery or the relationship we once had that I thought could never be touched by sexual evils. So eventually I switched to music that was going to get me through this terrible time, the Christian rock station. And it was all music reminding me that no matter how bad it gets and how painful it is, that God is always there and His love is unconditional. And if He has not given up on me in my sinful ways, why should I give up on a marriage I believe He meant to bless me with? I keep reminding myself that God will get me through this no matter which way it goes but that my faith that it will be restored will not be wasted and isn’t pointless.
It’s now sixteen month’s since my husband left, and there’s been no sign of any attempt at reconciliation or thought of returning. It’s hard to keep holding on after this amount of time, but it’s even harder to think of a future without him in it. Please pray for my husband that God will heal all his past hurts and bring him from the place he is now to where God wants him to be, and pray for our marriage that God will bring us back from the brink and create new love for each other between us. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.