I’ll be the first to admit I have a problem deciding when to throw something away and when to save it. The struggle I have is when I look at something thinking I might throw it away, I then think to myself, “maybe if I throw it away now I will one day in the future wish I still had it.” Because what I’m really trying to decide is, has this lost its usefulness to me, or does it still have some form of value to me?

That’s the same problem I see a lot people have when it comes to their marriage. They are trying to decide if their marriage has lost its usefulness to them or not. If they determine that it no longer has the value that it once did, such as “makes me happy,” “fulfills me,” “completes me,” or “satisfies all my needs,” they are ready then to dispose of it.

So marriage has become a consumable product in our consumer driven society today. Where people are disposing of their marriage just like they do all the other disposable goods, after they have consumed all the usefulness they can get out if it. Why should someone save their marriage when they can so easily replace it with a better one? That’s what the reasoning has become.

But what if people are throwing away their marriages now for whatever reason why, only to later in life look back and realize they lost out on the best thing they ever had, or they missed out on what it was yet to become? I would hate to be that person who later in life has to look back in regret. Knowing they lost out on a marriage that could have been.

So what do you do to save your marriage instead of throwing it away?

1) The first thing you do is pull it out of the trash pile

Understand this right up front, you don’t have a marriage problem, you have a value problem. Now I’m not saying there are no problems in your marriage. I know your marriage has more problems than you know how to deal with. That’s why you’re in this position.

But the biggest problem you have right now is a value problem. You have to make up your mind that your marriage does not belong in the trash. If you were cleaning out a garage or an attic and you were making piles for the things you were sorting through, you would have piles for things to keep and things to throw away.

So pull your marriage out of the trash pile, because it doesn’t belong there. Your marriage is not disposable. It has far greater value than that. It belongs in the pile of things you will keep.

This is where you eliminate words like divorce and quit. You don’t need a plan b.

2) Next, clean your marriage up

Just like anything else that was once considered to be trash, your marriage now needs cleaning. Clean off all the junk that life has thrown at it. All the stuff that has settled on your marriage from neglect, clean that stuff off too. And remove every stain that has tarnished your marriage and has hidden the beauty it once had.

To do all of this cleaning you have to use lots of forgiveness mixed with grace. You may not be used to using these ingredients, but trust me it works. Forgiving all the wrongs and having enough grace to be unconditional with your forgiveness goes a long way in cleaning up your marriage. And for those hard to remove stains that don’t go away easily, apply liberal amounts of the Blood of Jesus.100% guaranteed to produce miracles.

Letting go of anger, bitterness, and contempt requires forgiveness. That’s the only way forward to save your marriage.

3) Now, repair what is broken

After you pull your marriage out of the trash and after you do some cleaning, you now have to repair the broken places. It may have some cracks, it may be completely broken in half, or it may even have pieces that are now missing. But the great thing about a marriage, unlike an inanimate object, parts that are missing can be completely restored.

Just like with forgiveness, healing and restoration require lots of grace. And so with lots of grace you start repairing what is broken with real honest communication. But remember you want to use communication as a means for healing and not for attacking. So just be honest, be open, and be vulnerable with each other.

Talk about what has gone wrong in your marriage and what you can do to change that. Talk about the things that have divided you and how you can begin to settle some of those differences.

Learning to communicate with your spouse can be a lifelong process. So do the best you can and embrace the idea of growing in this area.

4) Increase the value of your marriage

Now that you have come this far to save your marriage from the trash, you have already made huge investments to improve the value of your marriage. But don’t stop there. Your marriage can continue to increase in value with every investment you make. Find ways to grow together and build greater intimacy in your relationship.

Spend lots of quality time together. Share in each other’s interest. Speak each other’s love language. Focus more on how you give and minister to your spouse’s needs. And when it comes to having your own needs met, be vocal and communicate clearly your needs without making it sound like you are making demands. Then allow your spouse to discover how to meet your needs without feeling pressure from you and from his/her own free will.

The more your marriage means to you the more you will invest into it. The more you invest into it the more it will mean to you.

5) Protect the value of your marriage

Finally, after coming this far, you will want to protect your marriage like the valuable treasure that it is. When you put this type of work into your marriage you will want to do all you can to protect it. You will want to keep your priorities straight by treating your marriage as the most important thing in your life, except your relationship with God.

You want to set boundaries that guard your marriage from enemy attacks. Such as the attacks that come from other family members, friends, careers, ministries, and social life. You will want to protect your marriage from the attacks of business, and pursuit of fame and fortune. The American dream is great, until it costs you your marriage and family. That’s when you realize you would rather be happily married in a shack than to be lonely and by yourself in a mansion.

Building a life that protects your marriage just makes good sense if you think about it.

Thanks for reading this post. I hope it has blessed you and encouraged you. I realize this is an oversimplified viewpoint. Marriage struggles are complicated sometimes. The need for more in-depth conversation is endless. Just know that making the choice to save your marriage is only the beginning.

 Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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