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This Should Not Be Missing From Your Marriage

Truthfully, marriage is complex. It takes the complexity of many factors to make a marriage thrive the way God created it to. However, on this post today I want to discuss just one thing that should not be missing from your marriage. Because when it is missing, it makes the journey of marriage very difficult. At least it was for me.

The uncertainty that flooded my mind time after time in my marriage was torment. It reminds me of when I was a boy pulling petals off of flowers over a childhood sweetheart.

“She loves me, she loves me not; she loves me, she loves me not.”

missing from marriage

The insecurity of not knowing if my wife would love me one day and then not love me the next was incredibly difficult to live with. It wasn’t that she was always giving me a reason to feel insecure. There was just always something missing in our relationship, something I didn’t know how to describe, but I knew it was missing.

As it turned out, it was the same thing Janet was always missing that made her feel so insecure about our relationship. And neither one of us knew how to fix the problem because we never really understood the problem. We had times when our love for each other seemed strong enough, yet we both lived with the nagging feelings of not knowing how long our love would last.

What was missing

Today we can thankfully say we understand what we were missing that made us feel so insecure with each other. Today we not only know we have a tremendous love for each other but now we also know that our love for each other is a love that will last “until death does us part.” We now know that our love for each other is a permanent love.

I know I’m not just spitting out some romantic rhetoric when I say “I will always love you for all of my days.” And I know without a doubt that Janet will love me for all of her days. It is a gift we give each other. This gift of knowing we have a permanent love for each other. Which, now gives us great security.

Are we being presumptuous when we say that? After all, life changes and who knows what tomorrow holds, right? So how can we say with absolute assurance that our love will never die?

How we know we have it.

Well, we know we can say this because we are following the only true example of what permanent love looks like. We know when God says He loves us with an everlasting love, that means His love for us is permanent, it will never change. Our relationship with the Lord Jesus is so secure we will never have to lay our heads down at night and wonder will He love us tomorrow. We know His love for us will never end.

Then because we know God is love and His love is an everlasting love. And we know He has given us a command to love just as He loves. So we also know our love for each other is a choice. And now because we have already made the choice to permanently love each other we do not have to fear that maybe one day our love will die.

And I know we are not alone. I believe there are a great number of marriages in the world today where both husband and wife can truly say they feel permanently loved.

So, how about you?

Do you feel secure in knowing that your spouse will love you for the rest of your days? Or do you feel threatened by not knowing if your spouse is capable of permanent love?

Or, how about your spouse? Is it possible that your spouse worries one day your love could fade away? Have you ever thought that could be the source of insecurity for your spouse?

I know for some of you, these are not easy questions to answer. You want permanent love. And you want your spouse to feel permanently loved. But how do you get that? How do get from where you are right now to this place of absolute assurance of permanent love?

1) You can start with getting healing in all the areas that are contaminating your marriage and your ability to fully love one another. This could take some time to work through the process, but if you will stick with it, you can see amazing results.

2) Next, you give full surrender to God so healing can take place. And, as you learn to embrace His love, you will discover how His love will flow through you.

3) Then you make a full commitment to God and your spouse to walk this path of giving each other this permanent love that last throughout your lives together.

4) And finally you live by the choices you make and you keep on making the right choices. It may not always be easy, but you choose to stick with it. And you choose from this moment forward until the end of your life, that you will give each other this permanent love that you will never allow to fade away.

Thanks for letting me share this with you.

Question: What has to happen in your marriage for you and your spouse to experience permanent love?


  1. God’s love is amazing isn’t it?

    In the early years of my marriage, I did question my wife’s love for me… based on a perceived lack of affection I felt coming from her. What I didn’t see was all the other ways that she was showing her love for me. The little things she did everyday, all summed up to show that she cared deeply.

    We are truly blessed to have the kind of marriage in which we no longer question each others motives and feel completely secure with love and trust.

  2. Anonymous says:

    This was difficult to read why because Im being reminded again that my spouse is seeking attention else where….. again his insecurity are beyond myself and comes from his childhood. I cant heal those wounds. However the marriage has taking hits because of behavior on his part then I’m reacting to his behavior. …. what am I fighting For…… I Dont Know any MORE. Smh if he doesn’t want me why play around with my heart. I don’t understand this at all. It mean and its hurts.

    • Scott says:

      I came across this article today and felt true sympathy for what I perceived to be deep pain and hurt behind your words – they have struck me in a personal way to which I relate to. My heart hurts for you, and I’m sorry for what you’re going through….Of course, your post was many years ago at the time I’m seeing this – I sincerely hope your situation has improved and you’ve found peace and harmony in your marriage. If by chance do find this post response, I’d like to know how things have turned out for you?

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