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Is Your Heart Broken For The Right Reason

Is the marriage crisis you’re dealing with breaking your heart? Do you feel like your world is shattered and crumbling all around you? And does it make you question how much you can stand or how long can you endure? If your answers are yes, I know how you feel.

heart broken for the right reasons

Because fighting to save a marriage is one of the toughest ordeals a person can ever experience. The heartache and pain can be so tormenting that it makes it hard to function in any other area of life. And there are times when the pain is so hard to bear, all a person can do is shut it off by staying busy with other areas of life. Either way it seems like life is just a blur and all you can do is trying to survive it.

But I have another question for you, a question I believe that can make a huge difference in how you get through this experience.

Is Your Heart Broken For The Right Reason?

Now I don’t want to minimize what you’re feeling and how devastating this is for you. I know the feelings of rejection, loneliness, and loss are very real for you right now. But if the only heartache you feel is for yourself and what you are going through, then I believe there is a bigger picture here that the Lord wants you to see.

If your spouse is blinded by anger, pain, or some sinful behavior that has taken over his/her life, then this is a time to put aside what you’re dealing with and focus your heart and prayers on what your spouse is dealing with. The Lord wants you to see the condition of your spouse’s heart and for you to be heartbroken for your spouse.

When we read in God’s word “For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son so that anyone who believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”(John 3:16), we are seeing a picture of God’s heartbreak. We could even read this verse “For God was so heartbroken for the world that He gave His Son…”

Remember, God did not give His heart and His Son to a world that deserved it. He gave His heart to a world that had rejected Him, betrayed Him, and committed adultery against Him. He was so heartbroken for a world that was a broken mess, He gave everything He had to give.

I know this was also the experience the Lord had to take me through. At first my heartbreak was all about me and what I was going through, but as I let the Lord lead me to a place where I was burdened and heartbroken for my wife, I began to know what God’s kind of love is all about.

It was then that I began to pray for my wife, not as my wife, but as a “sister in the Lord” who had lost her way. I let go of praying out of my selfish desires knowing that God would take care of me no matter what and instead I prayed for my wife knowing her life was in a desperate place and if I didn’t stand in the gap for her, who would?

So now I know this is challenging you and I again I don’t want to overlook how difficult your situation is. But I firmly believe that the best thing you can do with the heartbreak you are feeling is to let the Lord help you with it by turning your focus toward being the prayer warrior your spouse needs you to be. His/her very life may be hanging in the balance of how you handle this.

And when you do this, I believe you will see God do some amazing things inside your heart, in your spouse’s heart, and with your marriage.



Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono atFreeDigitalPhotos.net


  1. Sandy says:

    Thank you for this great reminder. My husband of 26 years recently told me our marriage wasn’t working for him, that he wanted out. I was shocked and have been devastated. The thing God has shown me, though, is just how lost my husband is right now. He has turned his back on God and is wanting to pursue a divorce even though he admits he know it’s a sin and that God will withhold blessing in his life. His greatest battle is not with our marriage but with his God. I have a circle of prayer warriors around us praying constantly for our marriage and for my husband it in the past few days I find my prayers transitioning to praying more for my husband and his rebellion against God. Thank you for all the encouragement I’ve found on your website. It’s helping me to take courage in the fight to save our marriage even though I’m the only one of us fighting for it.

    • Jack says:


      Thank you for commenting. It’s always helpful to us to hear if we are helping anyone. Your husband is blessed to have you fighting on his behalf.

      We have added you to our prayers,

  2. Sandy says:

    I just re-read this article and again it reminded me to keep the proper prayer perspective. Since I last commented, my husband has left our marriage, filed for divorce almost 6 months ago but after initially filing he has not made any further moves. I’ve been praying continuously for him to return to his first love of Jesus and for God to stall off and prevent divorce. I have a large group of prayer warriors praying for us as well. I see the long waiting period we’ve been in as God’s answer to my prayers. My husband has had no communication with me at all during this time and has very little communication with our young adult sons. God has repeatedly reminded me that He is a mighty warrior fighting for me while I stand by and stay silent, praying and waiting on God.

    We were involved in marriage ministry for the past several years as co-leaders with 2 other couples and, even after all the equipping we had over the years, our marriage still imploded. It has been difficult to understand how this could happen but I’ve come to the place where I realize none of us has power over another persons heart and choices. We are all responsible for our own heart relationship with God and for allowing the Holy Spirit to do His work in us. We can’t make it happen for our spouses but we can do something better than that….we can allow the Holy Spirit to do His work in us and we can pray for our spouse to do the same. That is what this article has reminded me to do…pray diligently for God to draw my husband back to God.

    I read your newsletters and I must say a huge “thank you” for the encouragement they bring. I’m finding that few understand the struggle of fighting for your marriage alone in an ongoing basis, especially when your spouse has made every indication they are not intending to work on the marriage. Many will give up after a short time and just go with the perceived “easy” way out , choosing divorce. I absolutely do not want divorce, even though sometimes it seems easier to just be done with the battle, so have determined that if my husband wants one, he will have to do all the work and pursue it alone without any help from me, not even when I’ve been advised it was for my own future “good” to pursue it and get things “done”.

    I can wait as long as God directs me to wait even though it is excruciating at times to do so. Staying focused on prayer and ministry has been crucial as well as reading blogs such as yours and filling my mind with things of Christ. I have no idea what God’s sovereign plan is and what my life will look like a day, week, month or year from now but I can stand firm in the knowledge that God is for me regardless of the outcome of my husbands choices.

    Thanks again for helping to encourage and lift up those of us walking through the fire of the burning house. With God, all things are possible, even the turning of my husbands heart back to God and, eventually, our marriage.

  3. Reddie says:

    My husband left a year ago saying our marriage was over, we had nothing in common, and he couldn’t even be in the same room as me. After the first few months I started to realise it wasn’t his fault but the fault of everything that had gone before to influence his thoughts and emotions. He suffered close family beakdown and bereavement at a young age and had no role models of a strong loving relationship. He was abandoned in past relationships, had jobs dictating a particular path leading to a strong belief there is only one way (his way), he believes apologies are a sign of weakness. Despite this I still love him and want him back and want to resurrect our marriage. I’ve tried praying for him but I find it difficult to get past the knowledge of how he thinks and behaves and my lack of understanding of how God can ever breakthrough his barriers and beliefs and heal him. Please pray for my husband that he will hear God and come to know him again, and that I may be able to overcome my negativity and seek God’s guidance and strength to pray for my husband and our marriage.

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