Tag: commitment

Can You Love Your Spouse Even When it Hurts?

It’s easy to love your spouse when your marriage is healthy and going strong. There is a rhythm to how love flows and it seems effortless. It’s like the two of you are dancing in harmony with each step perfectly timed and choreographed. You give and then you receive and then you give some more. You both give love at the same time and in the same way. You both give love at opposite times and in opposite ways. You know without a doubt the two of you are becoming one.

But what if your marriage is not working this way? What if the music has stopped and there is no dance left in your marriage? You believe in marriage. You want to honor the vows you have made. You want to do what is right before God. You’re trying to love your spouse even though it seriously hurts inside. So you keep trying to love even when the pain of rejection and neglect keeps telling you to stop.

When You Don’t Know How to Improve Your Difficult Marriage

You want to have the marriage you have always dreamed of. But now you find yourself in a difficult marriage without knowing how to improve it.

In our previous post, Why Do You Settle For a Difficult Marriage, I gave a challenge to anyone who felt stuck with no intention of doing anything about the condition of their marriage. I talked about how marriage was designed by God to be a place of “One Flesh” unity and that God esteems marriage in such high regard that He even chose marriage to illustrate the relationship between Christ and the church.

As I mentioned in my challenge, “if marriage has been given the responsibility from God to represent what Christ’s relationship with us the Church should look like, shouldn’t we hold marriage to the same standard of honor and glory that God has already placed on it?”

But maybe you’re someone from my last post who answered yes to the question, “Are you in a marriage that could be better, but you just don’t know how to get there?” And so if this is you, I know you’re not looking for something that simply inspires you to do better. You are looking for some practical advice of what you can do. Read more

This Should Not Be Missing From Your Marriage

Truthfully, marriage is complex. It takes the complexity of many factors to make a marriage thrive the way God created it to. However, on this post today I want to discuss just one thing that should not be missing from your marriage. Because when it is missing, it makes the journey of marriage very difficult. At least it was for me.

The uncertainty that flooded my mind time after time in my marriage was torment. It reminds me of when I was a boy pulling petals off of flowers over a childhood sweetheart.

“She loves me, she loves me not; she loves me, she loves me not.”

The insecurity of not knowing if my wife would love me one day and then not love me the next was incredibly difficult to live with. It wasn’t that she was always giving me a reason to feel insecure. There was just always something missing in our relationship, something I didn’t know how to describe, but I knew it was missing.

As it turned out, it was the same thing Janet was always missing that made her feel so insecure about our relationship. And neither one of us knew how to fix the problem because we never really understood the problem. We had times when our love for each other seemed strong enough, yet we both lived with the nagging feelings of not knowing how long our love would last.

Should You Try to Save Your Marriage

There are many of you who are in a very difficult place right now. Your marriage is in trouble and all you know to do is stand your ground and save your marriage. You’re in one of the greatest challenges a person can face in life. And I know some of you ask yourself how much more you can take.

I want you to know Janet and I admire and appreciate every one of you facing this battle. It takes a lot of courage and conviction to take this stand. As many of you know I have been there, and I know too well how difficult it is.

Your story may be different than what I went through trying to save my marriage. But I still know the delicate balance you have to walk between heartache and hope. One minute your heart is so torn and broken you don’t think you can go any further. Then the next minute your heart is alive with the hope of your future if you can just hang on.

Growing Your Marriage Through Confession

Confession is a major part of demonstrating your love for your spouse. It is an act of devotion to your marriage and love for your spouse for a number of reasons.

Those two simple words, “I’m sorry,” can be so powerful for growing your marriage and yet these two words are so seldom heard.

I’m sure you know saying “I love you” is very important for a strong healthy marriage. But confessing your faults to each other and saying “I’m sorry, I was wrong” should be just as important to you as saying “I love you.”

Confession shows love

It shows consideration for your spouse’s feelings by recognizing and owning up to how your spouse has been hurt by something you did or said. Even your spouse’s needs and wants are shown to be important to you when you confess how you have been neglectful. Read more

What Does a Good Marriage Look Like?

The desire for a good marriage is a strong desire for most people. I’m sure most people who are married or hope to be married want their marriage to be good. But how do you know if you have a good marriage if you’re not sure what a good one looks like?

Sure, you can look around and compare your marriage to other couples. If theirs appears good you will want to know if you can have what they have.

If you think their marriage is built on great friendship, then maybe that’s what you need to have. They could be good communicators. Maybe that’s your answer. If they are romantic and affectionate with each other, that could be what your marriage needs. Or if they report having a very satisfying sex life you could think that is your answer as well. All of these and so much more are great qualities to have. Read more

When You’re the Only One Trying to Improve Your Marriage

Can one person make a difference in their marriage even when their spouse is not trying? YES, they absolutely can! There is no question that even if only one spouse is trying, they alone can make a huge impact on their marriage. And if only one person is trying there is still tremendous hope for the marriage.

I know some might say, but, it takes two to make a marriage work. I know because I have heard someone say that to me before. And my reply was, “yeah, but it only takes one to quit.”

It is true, to make a marriage work the way God designed it to work it does take two. Both spouses work together becoming one.

But the question for some is, what good can one person do when they are the only one trying? Read more

Can You Balance Your Partnership and Friendship?

Every marriage should have a good balance of partnership and friendship. It is difficult and there are many couples who fail at it every day, but it is possible.

Marriage is the only relationship where we should have both partnership and friendship. Ordinarily, in any other relationship, it is considered unwise to mix the two. A business partnership that starts from friendship will usually hurt the friendship. And a partnership that develops into friendship can hurt the partnership. Unless everyone understands the difference and they are able to balance the two properly.

Prophetic Eyes for Your Spouse

I remember the day we married like it was yesterday. We said our vows and the next thing you know the man pronounced us husband and wife. We knew the pronouncement made our marriage official. But we had no idea how much we needed prophetic eyes to understand what had just happened.

I was a wide-eyed Nineteen year old who thought he knew everything there was to know about being a husband. After all, my only dream in life for the previous six years was to be a husband.

Now looking back on that day thirty years later, I see a clueless young man and woman that knew very little about being husband and wife. We had the titles; by name, we did become husband and wife with those few spoken words. But we had no idea how much we would have to grow into the shoes we just put on. Read more