Tag: ownership

Taking Responsibility Does Not Mean You’re Taking the Blame

Blame shifting is one of the biggest reasons couples have a hard time resolving their marital conflicts. We all do it at one time or another. But that doesn’t mean we should. Because the answer to the problem is never in finding who to blame. The answer, whatever the problem, is always found when someone takes responsibility.

Many times couples have come to us with marriage problems and with their own ideas of fixing the marriage by fixing their spouse. While neither husband nor wife claim to have achieved perfection, they are set on believing their marriage problems are the other person’s fault. Each one will admit to the things they do wrong, but they weigh their own faults in a balance against their spouse’s faults and the balance always leans in their favor.

Husbands and wives fall into the same trap that all other relationships fall into when there is conflict. We lose sight of what’s most important and we become fixated on who’s fault it is. Who did what to whom? Who started this?

“It’s her fault because she did such and such.” “It’s his fault because he should have done that.” Around and around we go. Where it stops, nobody knows. Read more

How and Why You Should Encourage Yourself: 7 Reasons Why

Anytime your marriage is in trouble it’s easy to get discouraged. It’s easy to get down on yourself and let regret and fear overtake you. But for your marriage to overcome this trial you have to take a stand against discouragement. For you to take that stand I want to share with you some thoughts on why and how you should encourage yourself.

I remember when I was a young boy in school just learning to read. One of my favorite books was “The Little Engine That Could.” Though I don’t remember the full story, I still remember it was about a little engine pulling a train up a steep hill and how he kept repeating the words, “I think I can, I think I can.” Those words were what the little engine needed to encourage himself to climb that hill.

Are You Trying to Change, or Are You Just Smoothing Things Over

Do you want to know the reason it took 4 times of almost getting a divorce before our marriage straighten out? Do you want to know what had to change before we could have the marriage we both wanted? The thing that had to change was I had to stop trying to just smooth things over.

There was a cycle we were going through and it was because of the things I kept doing wrong. Time after time I kept finding a way to undo all the previous good I did to fix our marriage. Each time after we reached our breaking point I would begin to do everything I could to become a better husband. I didn’t want our marriage to end so I tried to change and I thought I was making some serious progress. But in the end, all I was doing was going through my own cycle.

Growing Your Marriage Through Confession

Confession is a major part of demonstrating your love for your spouse. It is an act of devotion to your marriage and love for your spouse for a number of reasons.

Those two simple words, “I’m sorry,” can be so powerful for growing your marriage and yet these two words are so seldom heard.

I’m sure you know saying “I love you” is very important for a strong healthy marriage. But confessing your faults to each other and saying “I’m sorry, I was wrong” should be just as important to you as saying “I love you.”

Confession shows love

It shows consideration for your spouse’s feelings by recognizing and owning up to how your spouse has been hurt by something you did or said. Even your spouse’s needs and wants are shown to be important to you when you confess how you have been neglectful. Read more

Is Your Heart Broken For The Right Reason?

Do you have a broken heart from the marriage crisis you’re dealing with? Does your world feel shattered and crumbling all around you? And does it make you question how much you can stand or how long can you endure? If your answers are yes, I know how you feel.

Because fighting to save a marriage is one of the toughest ordeals a person can ever experience. The heartache and pain can be so tormenting that it makes it hard to function in any other area of life. And there are times when the pain is so hard to bear. All a person can do is shut it off by staying busy with other areas of life. Either way it seems like life is just a blur and all you can do is try to survive it.

But I have another question for you. A question I believe can make a huge difference in how you get through this experience.

Where Marriage Healing Begins

Your marriage is suffering and needs healing. The desperation you feel causes you to try everything you know to reconnect with your spouse. But for some reason your marriage continues to struggle. Are you missing something? What will it take to get the healing process going in your marriage?

The desperation I felt to save our marriage was tremendous. I waited so long for signs of hope and yet so many times my hopes were dashed. I had no problem accepting the fact that I had hurt our marriage. So all I could think of was trying to find some way to fix the problems I helped create. Read more

What Does a Good Marriage Look Like?

The desire for a good marriage is a strong desire for most people. I’m sure most people who are married or hope to be married want their marriage to be good. But how do you know if you have a good marriage if you’re not sure what a good one looks like?

Sure, you can look around and compare your marriage to other couples. If theirs appears good you will want to know if you can have what they have.

If you think their marriage is built on great friendship, then maybe that’s what you need to have. They could be good communicators. Maybe that’s your answer. If they are romantic and affectionate with each other, that could be what your marriage needs. Or if they report having a very satisfying sex life you could think that is your answer as well. All of these and so much more are great qualities to have. Read more